Friday, January 15, 2010

Starting off Upstream, Need to Turn This Boat Around

I can’t say that 2010 has started off with a bang. I am a couple of months away from moving out of my house (a nice way of putting I’m losing my home). While change is good, getting a fresh start, it doesn’t mean that its easy. Finding an accessible, affordable 3 bedroom apartment has turned into more of a challenge than I expected it to be. The companies that build apartment complexes and think they are making the handicapped units “accessible” need to be getting more advise from wheelchair users. They think making a wider doorway and installing some grab bars around the bathtub is all they need to do, when actually they should be installing roll-in showers.
And the few places that do have roll-in showers only offer them in 1 or 2 bedroom apartments. So if you’re disabled and have kids, this becomes a real problem.

I wish I could say this was the only problem. However, right before Christmas a pipe broke under my kitchen floor, underneath the foundation of the house. Yes, about a $1200 plumbing job. So we have to keep the water to my house turned off at the street unless we’re showering or doing laundry. I wish I could say that was the only problem with my house. New Year’s Day my central heating stopped working. Good thing I live in Las Vegas but it still gets cold here in the winter. All of this while I’m trying to save money to move in a couple of months.

Its hard to understand how things keep unraveling when I thought I was staying optimistic. But underneath, it’s the separation I’m going through, the emotional pain that runs deep. I haven’t been very successful at keeping my vibration high with good feeling thoughts. I didn’t focus on having my house fall apart. But it finally occurred to me, maybe a broken heart vibration is attracting some of the negative chaos going on around me. It makes sense because I find myself thinking thoughts about this break up and they just start escalating until I feel physical pain inside. This leads to depression, despair, feeling helpless and lots of crying. I need to stop this before I collapse my roof! :)

I need to remember who I really am. I am a deliberate creator. I need to catch myself when I start that downward spiral. Reach for better feeling thoughts. I can’t tune into the frequency of the things I desire in life when I keep myself tuned into what’s making me miserable. That just makes sense. The message that the most important thing is that I feel good has been popping up every time I read or listen to spiritual messages. Its time to pay attention and realign.


Anonymous said...

Wow, you are facing so many challenges! I'm sorry to read that you are losing your home, I understand the frustration and I sympathize with you. I pray that you will soon find a place to rent and get back on your feet! Sending warm hugs and wishes your way!