Friday, January 22, 2010

Flowing Downstream Feels Sooo Good

My last post was definitely a good outlet for me. When I begin a post, I have an idea about what I'm going to write about but as my thoughts flow, where I end is sometimes a surprise as one thought attracts another. My intent is always the same. Even if I begin talking about challenges or hardships that I'm experiencing, the point is not to dwell on or focus on the negative. Writing about it is therapy for me as it helps me figure out why these things are manifesting in my experience, which helps lead me to how or what can I do to change it. So the end result is that I have managed to find better feeling thoughts, to feel better than I did when I first started to write.

So when I realized my heartache and grief over my relationship was bringing me more unwanted experiences and that it was quickly snowballing into one big unhappy mess, I made a conscious effort to catch myself the moment I had a thought that would bring those feelings on. I would then think about something I could be grateful for. I would think about all the love still present in my life and the inspirational people I've had the pleasure of meeting. While there have been a few rocks (hard spots) I've bumped into, I've allowed myself to roll over them and keep going downstream.

Yesterday was a day of heavy rain, part of a 4 day rainy weather event that is such a treat for us living in the desert. It also was a day that the floodgates of good news seemed to open up for me. It started with letters in the mail stating that my daughter and I have been approved for some programs I had applied for almost 2 months ago. My assistant-in-training called to say she had passed the driving test she needed to take to get her learner's permit. An important first step in getting her driver's license which she will need to be able to help me get around. I had a phone interview with a local agency I had contacted to possibly help me with a bathroom modification since I have been unable to find the shower I need in a 3 bedroom apartment. The news they gave me was better than what I was asking for. There is a new piece of adaptive equipment available that was developed in New Zealand that eliminates the need for expensive bathroom modifications for wheelchair users. This ingenious device will allow me to use a bathtub easily, with no risk of injury to me or my assistant. The cost of this device will be 100% covered for me and unlike a standard structural modification, I can take this with me wherever I choose to live.

I can't even describe the relief and joy I felt. I didn't even know such a thing existed. It opens up a whole new world of freedom to me because now I can live in literally hundreds of places that have bathtubs instead of walk-in or roll-in showers. I would like to hug and kiss whoever was responsible for the invention of this blessed product, whether its one person or a team of people, thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so grateful for what the Universe/Source/God has provided for myself and others to make life easier. Wow, 01/21/10 was a wonderful day for me!! Its like the rain came and washed a huge worry away, leaving me refreshed, relaxed and rejuvenated.

I still have some more hurdles to cross before I can relocate, settle in and begin my new life. But I finally feel a good downstream current at my back.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Starting off Upstream, Need to Turn This Boat Around

I can’t say that 2010 has started off with a bang. I am a couple of months away from moving out of my house (a nice way of putting I’m losing my home). While change is good, getting a fresh start, it doesn’t mean that its easy. Finding an accessible, affordable 3 bedroom apartment has turned into more of a challenge than I expected it to be. The companies that build apartment complexes and think they are making the handicapped units “accessible” need to be getting more advise from wheelchair users. They think making a wider doorway and installing some grab bars around the bathtub is all they need to do, when actually they should be installing roll-in showers.
And the few places that do have roll-in showers only offer them in 1 or 2 bedroom apartments. So if you’re disabled and have kids, this becomes a real problem.

I wish I could say this was the only problem. However, right before Christmas a pipe broke under my kitchen floor, underneath the foundation of the house. Yes, about a $1200 plumbing job. So we have to keep the water to my house turned off at the street unless we’re showering or doing laundry. I wish I could say that was the only problem with my house. New Year’s Day my central heating stopped working. Good thing I live in Las Vegas but it still gets cold here in the winter. All of this while I’m trying to save money to move in a couple of months.

Its hard to understand how things keep unraveling when I thought I was staying optimistic. But underneath, it’s the separation I’m going through, the emotional pain that runs deep. I haven’t been very successful at keeping my vibration high with good feeling thoughts. I didn’t focus on having my house fall apart. But it finally occurred to me, maybe a broken heart vibration is attracting some of the negative chaos going on around me. It makes sense because I find myself thinking thoughts about this break up and they just start escalating until I feel physical pain inside. This leads to depression, despair, feeling helpless and lots of crying. I need to stop this before I collapse my roof! :)

I need to remember who I really am. I am a deliberate creator. I need to catch myself when I start that downward spiral. Reach for better feeling thoughts. I can’t tune into the frequency of the things I desire in life when I keep myself tuned into what’s making me miserable. That just makes sense. The message that the most important thing is that I feel good has been popping up every time I read or listen to spiritual messages. Its time to pay attention and realign.