Saturday, March 27, 2010

Starting Over

It's been awhile since my last post. Moving out of a home you've lived in for the last ten years is a daunting task. It's amazing how much junk you accumulate over the years. One of the advantages of moving is that you get a chance to start over in a new place and let go of all that stuff that was just taking up space. I have to let a lot of things go, there's not much choice when you're going from a 4 bedroom house to a 3 bedroom apartment.

I'm finding it much easier to let go of stuff but its not so easy when it comes to feelings. How long does the pain of losing someone you love stick around? As long as you allow it to hurt. I know Abraham says that we create our own reality through the thoughts we think and the emotions we feel. I suppose I'm holding myself in a vibration of heartache. Its hard to let go of those feelings for someone when you still have to see them everyday.

And these social networking sites that everyone are so crazy about definitely have a negative impact on people's lives when they become the catalyst for destroying or damaging relationships. Facebook played a significant role in causing my 15 year relationship to end in such a painful way. You have to take a deep breath when you see the woman who literally pulled the rug out from under you without so much as batting an eye, gloating about it on the internet.

I can't understand how or why some women can engage in relationships with men who are cheating on wives or girlfriends. Why would you want to put another woman who has done nothing to you through that? And how can you have any respect for or trust a man who would do that? What makes these type of women so sure that their cheating men won't turn around and do it to them in the future?

As bad as my experience has been over this last year, I have come away from it knowing these things for certain. I will never, ever knowingly engage in a relationship with a man who has a wife or girlfriend. I would never want to put any woman through what I just went through, especially if children are involved. I know most people don't have much empathy for celebrities, but I really feel for women like Sandra Bullock who have to go through this humiliating, heartbreak publicly. I think what hurts even more than losing your lover is losing your best friend. Lovers come and go but when you think you have found your true soul mate and he then shatters that dream, where do you go from there? Call me, Sandy, let's do lunch.

What I must do now is work on myself. I want to find my own sense of peace somehow. I need to let go of any feelings of betrayal or injustice and let karma take care of whatever needs it. I took my daughter to the pool today and as I sat in the warm rays of the sun's energy rereading "Ask And It Is Given", Abraham was saying the best way to take your attention and focus off of something you don't want is to redirect your attention and focus to something else. Brilliant and simple. I need to focus on healing, allowing the stream of Well Being to flow into my body, mind and spirit. I want to love myself more than I have ever loved myself before. I am realizing now that during my relationship, I was allowing myself to be extremely mistreated because of my own insecurities. I was not loving myself at all and therefore, not allowing anyone else to truly love me the way that I deserve to be loved. I am worthy of commitment, I am worthy of being treated as an equal, I am worthy of real love.